After the heartbreak of miscarriage it was a big decision to keep trying to conceive. The fear of a repeat occurrence is immense. Drawing from some deep unknown reserve we bravely faced the possibilities and allowed a tiny glimmer of hope into our hearts.
This week we were rewarded with two blue lines that are getting stronger and stronger.
We are pregnant again!
This time I’m very reserved. I desperately want to hope for the best. Yet to invest hope is to open my heart to it being broken again. I guess this is a big part of becoming a parent anyway?!
This time is also very different. I’m very tired, so tired that I sleep half of the next day after working heavy long days. I also have nausea and nearly threw up on Friday morning. Last time I didn’t have any sickness or nausea even up to nearly nine weeks. This time it kicked in at just four weeks!
Is it weird to be relieved to feel sick?
There are also crazy jumpings in my tummy that are just downright weird. Not liking them very much, or the occasional stabbing pains.
I just don’t know what to do with myself: mentally or physically. Brain says to take it easy, but then I get distressed at the “stuff” that needs to be done. I keep having to sit or lay down, and the tears flow quite regularly over very minor things (or nothing at all!).
I had a good day yesterday with getting some old projects finished. I finally completed my old t-shirt hexagon quilt – only 11 years in the making; I repaired my sawn-off after 6 years of languishing in the mending bag; and I also finished two snoods for my Etsy shop.
And… I’ve decided to continue with the blanket I started making for Baby Allie. This tore me up for a while but I hope that Allie’s brother or sister will love it instead.
Today I’m hoping to get some photo things sorted out. I bought another great wooden box (Amazon) for the nicknacks we collected in Crete and am going to sort out the photos into a small photo book. Maybe I’ll also get around to doing the last two holidays as well (hah)!
But most importantly I’ve been able to write this blog post!
I’ve been feeling very down and couldn’t find any words to share. I guess when you bury hope deep down you also block creativity. Fingers crossed that we are blessed with some luck this time.